I am a comic that thinks outside the box.. after everything is gone from inside it. I was born without that filter that keeps certain thoughts inside, and most times, it pops out at the worst moments.. its going to happen, so best be prepared for whatever is about to come out.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

My Dr's Note

Sooo I woke up yesterday and had a shocking discovery.. I found a lump on my left gonad. Yeah,.. I was scared!

So I went to the doctors office, and after a little "examination" or as I call it "stranger touching me in the dirty place", he explained to me that it was not cancerous, or something to be worried about.

What I had was an inflamed Epididymits. I had no idea what that was.

So, he explained to me that the Epididymits is the tube that carries my sperm from my testicles, to my penis,.. to the inside of my boxer shorts....
I wondered how that got there!!

He said it comes from having some pressure, so to relieve said pressure, he said that I am going to have to relieve that pressure.. so I am going to have to masturbate,.. about three to four times a day.

I said "Umm Doc,.... can I get that in writing??"
How cool would that be to have a doctors note to masturbate!!

Pot vs Drinking

I came to a realization tonight, that drinking leads to bad decisions, and pot,.. leads to making fun of people that drink and make bad decisions.

I went out with my friends one night, was not drinking, decided to "enlighten" my evening with a little pot.. while all my friends were just drinking alcohol.
The next day,... I asked one of them that came out "Hey man, what happened last night?"
His responce was "Ohhh, you remember that ugly chick at the end of the bar.. we kind of made fun of her at one point.. yeah.. well,.. I just kept drinking untill she wasnt ugly any more!"

Really... gees.. I could be stoned out of my mind.. ugly chick at the end of the bar... still ugly!! Probably uglier, cause now that mole on her face would be all talking to me.. yeah, not sleeping with the ugly mole chick.

I might,.. MIGHT, get a handy from the mole, but only for a story for poker night.

Speaking should not be allowed during sex.

I think that there should be a law that prohibits speaking.. like actual conversation, during sex.

I remember I was in bed with a woman one time, shut up, its believable... and she said the most randomly inappropriate things when we were getting it on.

The first time it happened, she said "Hey,.. how come you never see homeless women?"
Ummm, am I doing something wrong?

The last time we were having sex, right in the middle of it,.. like getting right at it, she turned to me and said "Wow, you have hands like my dad!"

I kinda ruined the relationship,... cause all I could say back to that was "Well,.. I guess thats ok, cause you have lips like your sister!"

My Peeps....