I am a comic that thinks outside the box.. after everything is gone from inside it. I was born without that filter that keeps certain thoughts inside, and most times, it pops out at the worst moments.. its going to happen, so best be prepared for whatever is about to come out.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The one relationship that you never forget

Ever have that one relationship that just slowly keeps building and building into that one gigantic reason to break up?

The one I am referring to was probably the worst relationship I was ever in, but seemed to go on for ever, and ever and ever...

She always asked questions that made no sense.

First of all we lived together.. Just got moved in, and she turned to me and was like `We should get a HDTV, what do you think?"

I have a stigmatizm to light, and wear glasses, she has a lazy eye.. we dont even SEE in HD!!

This is the same girl that sitting on the couch turned to me and said "We should talk about our sexual fantasies!"

Okay.. you go first. I want to know what I am dealing with.
So she said "Well, sometimes I fantasize about you being more muscular"
To which I said "Sometimes I fantasize about you not being such a judgemental bitch!"

I guess I couldnt really get mad at her though.. right... she did want to talk about it. How mad can I be though, my top 20 fantasies didn't even envolve her... #6 doesnt even involve ME for crying out loud!

What ended out relationship though was our relationship in the bedroom. She used to blurt out random shit in the bedroom. Not like dirty talking, ok, just totally random conversation. The first time it happened, we were right into it right, and she just blurts out "Why dont you ever see any homeless women?"

Umm am I doing something wrong here? Really, no "ohhh right there" or "yeah yeah yeah yeah" but Homeless Women...

The last time we had sex, like I mean really, the LAST TIME we had sex.. we were right in the middle of sex... yeah about three minutes in... and she blurts out "Ohhhh you have hands like my dad!"
"Yeah.. well you have lips like your sister!"

My Peeps....