Whats wrong with me.

Obviously,..everyone has some food that they really like. Some would say they love,.. I don't love food,.. I like it. Its a necessity to live.

Some of the foods I like,.. however,.. don't seem to like me back. They give me heartburn. So I went to the doctors office to see if there was something they could give me. All kinds of medications out there,.. there must be something to fix this.

After I told the doctor what was going on,.. he said he would be right back. I figured he went to get me a prescription,.. yeah, I was way off.

What he went and got was a piece of paper.... and he handed it to me.
Know what was on it? A list of things that give me heartburn.

I am sitting there looking this over, and I turned to him and said "Uh, Doc,.. I,.. I already know this. I know how to get it! I need something to take it away."

So then he asked me a small list of questions.. and you would think that by looking at me he could figure out the answers already.
#1 - Do you eat fried or fatty foods?

Gee,... do ya think??

#2 - Do you eat large meals?

You mean like breakfast, lunch and dinner?

#3 - Do you eat within 2-3 hours before going to bed?

Well, lets see, are you talking about the large meals,.. or just snacking in general? cause I have a small refrigerator beside my bed "in case of an emergency",... and there are emergencies every night.

#4 - Do you wear tight fitting clothing?

Yeah, I work as "Disco Dave" down at the 'All Male review' pealing it off for the ladies every Thursday night so they can hit me with dollar coins all night long! Cause everyone wants to see this naked!!

So then he turned to me, pulled his glasses off, and said "You know Brad,... you should probably drop a couple of pounds,.."

Thank you.
Only your doctor can kindly give you the adulation you need while insulting your very being at the same time.
"So, in closing Brad, you should loose some weight,.... and those congenital growths are looking really weird. Have a great day!"

"Alright Doc,... I am SO looking forward to when we can get together again. Thanks for the confidence boost! Steer Clear of the hideous beast that is ME!"