I don't know what it is, but I just cannot get into dirty talking in bed. Not sure if its that I don't know what to say,.. or if I just don't know where "that line" is. I am so happy to finally be getting some ass, I don't want to fuck it up now and say the wrong thing.
I forget to say please at the table I end up having to get up and get it myself.... what the hell will happen in bed, know what I'm sayin?
But you ladies,... you like that shit. So I was asked to talk dirty one time... and I have regretted it for the rest of my life... cause I said something stupid, and I thought it might be nifty to finally get it off my chest. Turned out,.... I am way outside the box.
"Talk dirty to me."
I don't want to.
'Do it!"
Ok, fine.....I want to tie you up, light you on fire, and throw you in the trash.
"WTF!"
Hey, it was your idea! All I wanted to do was make sweet love and just think that!
"Ok, forget that,.. just slap me!"
In the face?
"No!"
WTF, I am not a mind reader!
"Bite my nipples.."
Clean thru? Spit them in the trash?
"What is wrong with you?"
I don't know,... All I wanted was to have sex with you and just think this shit, ok?!? You say 'talk dirty'... whats dirtier than the trash??
What do they mean 'talk dirty'? Ladies say one thing, and guys think something else...
"Ohh yeah,,, talk dirty to me..."
Ok, I want to tie,................ your parents up, ........back to back. Then I am going to beat the hell out of them with a bat. Throw them in the trunk of a car, and drive that car over a cliff, and just as it goes over the cliff I am going to pop the trunk so they can see me fuckin you.... Hey where you going... Too much??
I am a comic that thinks outside the box.. after everything is gone from inside it. I was born without that filter that keeps certain thoughts inside, and most times, it pops out at the worst moments.. its going to happen, so best be prepared for whatever is about to come out.
