I am not married, but I live like I am married. Why? I am practising having a wife. I think it shows consideration, and thought fullness. Most of the time I hear women want a guy with a sense of humor, but I don't believe that, cause I HAVE a sense of humor, and I am still not meeting anyone. I think women really want guys with big dicks and lots of cash, but that is not lady like to say, so they say "sense of humor" as code.
So to try a different approach, I am doing this, and living LIKE I AM MARRIED so I am not having to make that abrupt transition.
For example,.. I shave once in a while. Not today, I am angry with her.
That's right.... I put the seat down NOW. Just for practice, it does not kill me.
I put the roll on the spool NOW. Out of consideration, its not that hard.
I put a hundred empty bottles of shampoo in the shower NOW, so I am used to it.
I take myself out to movies I don't want to see. But before the movie, I argue with myself on where I want to eat first. No I don't,.. yes I do, No I don't,... Yes I do,.. Then I just drive around and talk to myself about places to eat.
I sleep on the edge of my own bed NOW, ensuring not to use any more than two inches of blanket as that is what my allotment would be to keep warm at night, even thought I would not really need the blanket cause the heater would be set at "Surface of the sun" temperature.
I pleasure myself, but ONLY WHEN I DESERVE IT! Normally on my birthday, and around Christmas depending on the gift I buy myself. Its usually in the basement, with a playboy and a flashlight.
But most importantly,.. I keep a list of every little thing that I do and say,... and from time to time I go back and read into it, so I have the capability to show it to people that I don't even know, at parties that I don't want to be at in the first fucking place.
All out of love for her.
I am a comic that thinks outside the box.. after everything is gone from inside it. I was born without that filter that keeps certain thoughts inside, and most times, it pops out at the worst moments.. its going to happen, so best be prepared for whatever is about to come out.
